Why did I think this is a good idea?
Am I going to end up a broken pile of Kathleen?
Why did I think this could go anyway but downhill and/or badly?
But everytime I'm near him I forget how this feels... I only see how great it will be, and how much fun we're going to have, and how much he cares about me. And 98.999% of the time, I'm so sure. Beyond the whisper of a shadow of a doubt and all there is is my love for him and this intense joy. And how could anything go wrong when we're so close and have such an amazing-- almost living on its own --thing between us? Where it sometimes seems like we're the same person?
But then in times like these...
I'm in a lot of trouble.
God: please protect me.
I love someone so much it scares me. That's not hyperbole, I'm really terrified here.
Is it just my anxiety over other things like the opera building up inside me and confusing me?
Honest to goodness I don't know what's going to happen.
And yet... I don't want to stop.
I don't want to not feel this way.
Oh, God, please, PLEASE protect me.